She uses FUCK a lot

Yes, I know that a lot of y’all out there don’t use it anymore because Facebook is so 2010. Instead y’all have switched to twitter. I think y’all have made a wise decision. 140 words equals less bullshit so brava to Jack Dorsey and his team. I’ll stop with the y’alls now.

There are people like me out there who *pause for gasp* still use Facebook. It’s more of a comfort thing; we have known Facebook for a long time, we know how it rolls.

When I was a baby blogger, I made sure I read every how-to-blog article there is on the internet. I could list the points even now.

One of them was Publicizing: Linking your blog to major social networking sites so to help your blog reach maximum people.

Twitter? Okay, that’s do able. Facebook, aah no thank you. No, I’m not saying this because my relatives make a large portion of the people I know there,I just find Facebook irritating.
…...that and because all my relatives are on Facebook.

Everyone in our family has a Facebook account. The newborn has an acccount and so does the dog. I even have really-long-distance-relatives on my list that I didn’t even know existed.

“Mom do we know any Muhammad Ali? He’s claiming to be my cousin and asking me to add me.”
“Oh of course we know him. He’s your grandfather’s sister’s daughter’s son! ADD HIM!”

My grandmother is on Facebook. So is her brother. So is his wife. And so is everyone in this world whom my grandfather has so much as patted on the back my grandfather was a famous religious scholar and most shia people know him) And they all want to add me. DESPERATELY. I don’t blame them. They just want to know if I’m half as religious as him. I’m afraid I’ll have to disappoint.

This one time my mother got extremely furious over a picture someone tagged me in. It was a picture of me in a restaurant with some friends. We weren’t doing vodka shots or drinking out Of a pipe upside down (I’m sorry I don’t even know what you call it but you know what I’m talking about right?).We were just sitting. But someone sitting in freaking US & the A found it so offending they turned my mom against me.

“Don’t allow her to go with her colleagues, she’s a child“, a child who is working eight hours a day.

“You can’t trust anyone these days“, yes, certainly not stalkers like you.

“Beautiful girls get kidnapped all the time in Karachi, don’t let her out much“. I actually don’t mind this one because it’s a  compliment.

All this over a picture of me sitting one feet away from a man.

Putting nosy relatives on limited didn’t solve much either. They kept badgering me.

“Why can’t I post on your wall anymore?“. Gee,  I don’t know you must have done something to really piss me off.

“I can’t even see your photos anymore“.  You can’t? Great!

“What would we know? You have limited us on Facebook” said as if I have cut all sort of communication with them. There are other ways to communicate, you know.

And I knew if linked my Facebook with the blog, the same circumstances would result. I would have to limit everyone.

“Oh  so you’re a blogger now?“. Said in a demeaning way.

“You know, sweety, writers don’t always make it big“. Okay,gotcha

“YOU’RE GONNA DIE SKINT YOU FOOL! THIS IS SUCH A FOOLISH IDEA!”

“Isn’t that picture a bit offending?“. Yes. What’s your point?

“Oh imma tell this to her mother! That ought to set the little missy right!” Probably said by aunt I bitched about.

“But why do you blog? You have a job. Do u really need that much money?” You know, not everything we do is for money.

“How can u even do it with the job? You’re schedule is hectic! All I do everyday is sleep.” It’s called trying to do something with my life. You should try it too sometime!

“Oh my god! Look at the amount of time she used FUCK in her sentence”

Twitter is my safe place to “promote” the blog. The only people I know there are the ones I know virtually and the celebrities I follow. I would love for them to read my blog.

Trust me, it’s a win win for everyone that I have sworn off using Facebook for my blog.

The best part: I can use fuck as much as I like.

 

New at Orange Shoes Talking: My fiction fantasies in Beyond Hotel Sheets :- These nuts are small!