I am in Tblisi at the moment so the general expectation would be that I write a helpful blog on the topic. I will do that, I just needed to say something first.
A few weeks ago during a conversation, a friend remarked that I was too close to my mother. I asked him why did he think so. He said, “Because you talk to her on the phone everyday”.
I tried to deny it. “No, we are not so close”.
He then went on to compare it to how less frequently he called his mother.
“You guys are like that”.
“Yeah, I guess you are right. Men are like that”.
“No, I didn’t mean men. I just meant..in your culture..like you guys leave home at the age of eighteen, whereas in my culture it is considered normal to stay with parents until you are married off”.
So we finally settled that it was due to cultural differences and that was that.
My reasoning were wrong. Western culture probably trains their kids at a young age to be independent. That does not mean that they teach us not to remain close to our parents. I was very wrong in saying that. No culture (should) teach that.
And then something interesting that he brought up was men being more distant with their parents than women. Is it true? If so, what is it that makes men more distant and women not so distant? Please don’t give me the old argument: Women were made to nurture, care…Please do not. It does not make sense for someone to be distant from the people closest to him because they belong to a certain gender. Don’t you think so?
His remark got me thinking that I really was too close to my mom. I saw it as a bad thing. Like maybe I was still a baby. And that by a five minute phone call, somehow my mother was controlling my life. And I shouldn’t let her, because I am twenty three years and I am independent and I am not a child anymore.
But the question is why talk to her everyday or every other day? Why was I doing it? Am I still so dependent on her? Do I rely on her like a baby? Am I baby? I thought long and hard about it. It has been going on in my mind for the last few days.
No. I am not a baby because I talk to my mother every other day. So then why do I do it? I do it because..when she won’t be with me anymore, at least I can say that I made the most of my time with her. I can’t say I wouldn’t have any regrets but at least I wouldn’t say maybe I should have made more time for her when she was here. I talk to her because, she is my mother. She gave birth to me and took good care of me. I know all mothers (and fathers) do that so it is nothing special. But…she gave birth to me. And took good care of me. Whether I tell her everything in my life or not, she is one of the most important people in my life. And one day, she will not be here. And then my comfort place would be gone.
I can’t believe that only a few days ago, I was thinking that sparing ten minutes of my life to ask my mother how she is meant that she was somehow controlling my life. And that it was a bad thing that I called her. Funny how we view certain concepts in this world. It is okay to spend time on social media websites doing things that have no meaning to you but it is not okay to take out time for the people who you care about the most. Funny world we live in.
Everyone has to go some day. These days, I think a lot about my grandmother who is quite old and I hate the thought that she might pass away when I am still in Qatar. So what do I do? I talk to her whenever I can. And I tell her how much I love her.
This post is not written, so you would get on the phone line the minute you’re done reading this. You can totally ignore the post ( & criticize me too. I like healthy discussions). I also do not know the type of relationship you have with your parents and siblings. I don’t know if you have issues with your parents. If you do, that is okay (I do too and I have gotten nowhere near resolving it). This post is not meant to encourage you to resolve differences with your parents. That is something that will come from within, not by a girl sitting in a hotel room in a green sweater writing a post.
But if you do decide to call your mom after reading my post, I promise you won’t regret it.