Raise your hand if you can’t swim

So if you didn’t know this, I should tell you now: I don’t know how to swim.

Why? No one was bothered to teach me. And I never was interested.

But I thought that it is high time I should learn to swim. Who knows, if war breaks out I might have to swim across the Pacific.

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So I tried swimming last week. How hard could it be? I would jump in the pool and move my feet like I have seen them do in movies.

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So it turns out it’s not so easy.

Specially if you go swimming with someone who claimed to know swimming but reveals to you that he doesn’t know shit once you are inside the pool. Thanks, J!

So I’m in the pool and I’m staring kids less than half my age, doing all these fancy swimming styles while I’m holding one of the edges of the pool to keep me from drowning.

 

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Even this shenanigan can swim!

 

I have never felt so insecure in my life.

There was a point where I did think I should get one of those life jackets (Don’t judge me, I didn’t want to drown in front of 7 year olds). But then I changed my mind. The only adults wearing one were ZERO!

So I have some questions…

  • How can you prevent the water entering your mouth?
  • How can you prevent the water entering your nose?
  • How do you feel when water enters your nose? Do you feel like you have taken one big spoon of wasabi?
  • How can you know if someone hasn’t peed a million times in the swimming pool?

I drowned twice. The lifeguard had to save me two times. Oh and just so you know, IRL lifeguards are not so hot as they are shown in porn.

Err..I mean..tv shows. Tv shows, um, yes.

You know when I drowned, I thought about that time when Meredith fell in the water and almost died.

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And because I am such a copy of Meredith Grey (if you want to know me, just see season 4 to 6), I thought maybe this is it for me too.But then I remembered that she almost died in the middle of a sea, not a pool. Also, it was not in real life. To die in a 9 feet swimming pool because you didn’t know how to swim and STILL entered it, is a very embarassing way to die. What will they tell my mom? She wouldn’t know whether to be sad or die laughing.

But it would have been so nice if I could have drowned, and the McDreamy would come to save me and then I would get to have a NDE. That would be something to write about.

ANYWAY….

I REFUSE TO GIVE UP.

I have asked a friend of mine to teach me, who very bagairat-ly (this pakistani word is so good I can’t even translate it) told me that he would only teach me if I would wear a bikini. Like I am Katy Perry or something.

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In most hotels, you need to take a room to use the pool. But thanks to QSF otherwise known as Qatar Summer Festival in Qatar, you can get as less as 35 QR for day use for one person. Its only valid until September though but I think it’s such a neat deal. And no, no one paid me to write this. I am only sharing it in case you are in Qatar and you happen to be reading this. I like helping others. I am nice like that.

So here’s to hoping that within two weeks, my perv trainer will make me a champ in swimming.

If you don’t hear from me after this, you can assume that my trainer is only a perv and not a trainer and that I have peacefully died a Meredith Grey death.

 

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