Not-so Gandhi’s Monkey

I live in a spacious villa with four other people. Funny how the presence of people with negative aura can make you feel suffocated in such an open space.

My roommate is lovely. I thank my lucky stars for her. She’s always upbeat and is super passionate about her guests, like me. She’s the definition of cool.

There’s one from Mautitius. Love the accent but I am not too keen on her. But she’s such a fashionista.

There’s another girl from housekeeping who I don’t know well and have no intention of  having any further interaction/s at all.

And then there’s Monkey:

I don’t know why but for some reason she hates me. Doesn’t talk to me at all and I fail to understand how I may have pissed her. I mean, we work in separate buildings for fuck’s sake.

She complained once to the HR that I don’t clean. Which was an absolute fucking lie. I had cleaned the previous day. Next time, I’ll snap chat the whole damn thing. (Kidding,  I am not on snap chat.)

And just thirty minutes ago she complained to my kind-of boss about my friend and I sitting in the lounge watching theory of everything.

Apparently, it was too late for people of two opposite sex to be sitting in the same place at this devilish hour.

So I called my kind-of boss and he starts with the Pakistani dramatic line “Oh I’m like your brother, I would never guide you wrong..” and I automatically tuned out.

That’s such bull. Any brother of mine would have some bits of the same DNA that I do and by that principle would have the BALLS to back up his own sister.

And you know I actually read their Rule Book -that btw no one fucking follows. And it says everyone should be back in their own villas by 1:00a.m.

It wasn’t 1:00 a.m.

And why did she call my kind-of boss? What, she’s scared I am going to argue? She’s scared I am going to beat her up?

AND she can have the entire Indian army at our villa. Everyone from the bus driver to the chef can be found at our villa, all the time. But god forbid, I invite someone to watch a super clean movie with not even a single sex scene, all hell breaks loose.

I have thought of some plausible reasons she hates my guts:

  1. She thinks I am prettier than her. (True, but I am going to try and not sound like a narcissist.)
  2. She’s not getting laid and is frustrated.(Very likely.)
  3. She hasn’t got a life. (Very likely also)
  4. Her (non-existent)bf told her he wants to bone me. (Possible?)
  5. She doesn’t like me because really she’s just insecure about herself. (On point.)
  6. She doesn’t like anyone, period.(50/50)

And what is the best way of revenge anyway?

If you say something, you’re  going to make things worse.

If you don’t say anything, you’re a coward.

If you beat her up, you’ll be terminated.

If you torture her mentally, well that’s bullying isn’t it?

So what is the best revenge? Just pray that she gets her ankle twisted?

What is so wrong with having a face to face confrontation? If she would have just said it to my face, nicely, of course, I really wouldn’t have cared. I would have actually appreciated that. That’s more grown-upy thing to do you know.

Rather than whatsapping my kind-of boss in the middle of the night.

You know I could go to her boss tomorrow morning and bitch about her but then that would mean that Monkey and I are on the same wavelength mentally which we are clearly not.

So what do yo think? Why does Monkey hate me? Also, what IS the best way for revenge?

14 thoughts on “Not-so Gandhi’s Monkey

  1. I am fascinated by how you take your anger out with humour. One should learnt that from you and so should I. However, if you plan on to give it some time and seek when she makes a bad move and then take the bonus point over her.
    If I had been in your shoes, I would have straighten up with her and ask her what’s her problem? Is she depressed? Does she needs medication? Or is she in pain? Would tell her to stop being a miser and making other miserable around herself. If then, she doesn’t change her behaviour, would get her high (or low, depends) and secretly lure her away from the villa and close her in a dungeon or dispose her off in a big water body nearby. (Hey, I am just kidding about the dungeon part. One hardly find any empty dungeons these days.)
    In my POV, it doesn’t matter to be on the same wavelength or not, what matters is yourself not getting affected by someone else’s misery. So do what you want to do.


    1. The funny thing is she has visitors till 3:00 am at night. I don’t hear no rant about that. We never complain because honestly we don’t give a fuck. But this was just annoying you know. She ruined my movie!


        1. Also don’t be fascinated. This post was written half an hour after the whole event. By then I had calmed down but before I really wanted to give her a piece of my mind.
          She’s throwing her friend a birthday party even now. Who does that? It was 12 fucking noon!


    1. My department is being managed by three people at the moment. His main focus is revenue but he still keeps “assisting” with the operation.
      It’s more of a “I refuse to accept him as my boss ” kind of thing.


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