Precisely a week ago, I received an awful news about my visa that got rejected. It had been something I had been looking forward to for a very long time and the idea that it wasn’t going to happen was incomprehensible. After letting out an entire army of curse words, the anger changed to supreme sadness. I felt rejected, unwanted and cursed my current citizenship and talked about how unfair life is. I felt hurt and betrayed by everyone involved in the scenario which isn’t a justifiable reaction but a natural one at times like these. I questioned everything I had done until that point and racked my brain over what had I done wrong.
What had I done wrong?
I was questioning and worrying about something that was out of my reach, that I had no control over.
Michal, one of my best friends, sat through an entire two hour Skype session with me where he did most of the talking and tried to make me see the light and remain hopeful.
What light? What hope? What was the point?
And then one day I came across this quote on the internet and it really made me question my own attitude to the entire situation even before I had gotten the results:
Anyone who knows me knows I’m not the most optimistic person. Even before the visa had been rejected, I had not been so sure that they would grant it. I was visualizing scenarios of facing a situation with negative outcomes! It’s not something I am proud of but maybe somehow it might be holding me back from reaching my dreams and goals.
So I thought:”Fuck this”.
Fuck these sad songs. Fuck all this negativity. I was going to believe. Believe that something positive is around the corner. And I was going to have faith. And I was going to be hopeful. And if I couldn’t, I’d fake it till I believe it.
(I can never imagine being so bold yet being scared out of pants at the same time.)
It took precisely two days for my visa to arrive.
Call it luck, a miracle, fate or whatever. Call it Michal’s positive energy and unshakable optimism.
The point of this post is not to tell people not to be sad no matter what. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to listen to sad songs by Maroon 5 over and over again. But it’s important to hope, to get back up, to dream on even if you’re scared.
It’s important to see the light.
P.S For those who are interested: I am leaving for Qatar on the 30th of April. I can not wait to be there. I am so looking forward to go full on sarcastic on Qatari rules and ways. Yaaayyy!