I hope you’re having just another one of your lazy days. Again.
I’m writing this to you because I have been going over this and over this in my mind and I just can’t contain these feelings no more.
I think when I say this, I speak for all of us at work: I want to present you with a gold trophy for being consistently lazy throughout the entire year. Every day of every week of every month of the entire year.
If it were up to me, I’d name the Lazy Award trophy after you.
I love your enthusiasm when it comes to using Facebook on the main check-in computer at the reception.
So what if the customer waits patiently, in a queue while you scroll through your news feed? I swear, these customers. They should really learn to suck it up. I mean, jeez, waiting for five minutes while you change your profile picture to an adorable selfie of yourself wouldn’t kill them or anything!
We all admire how you are always laughing, making jokes here and there. It lifts up our mood seeing someone cracking jokes while we are working our asses off. I, for one, admire you even more, for doing an excellent impression of doing work when the boss is around. Another Oscar for you, lady.
I know it drives a lot of us insane when you don’t show up without any information at all. But, let me assure you, we do understand that on account of being a lady of your age, you just forget coming to work sometimes. Or calling in to let the other people know that you won’t be coming today. It happens. With age. It’s no biggie.
I wanted to kiss you on your brown-lipstick-covered lips when you asked me why I wanted to take a vacation in February. I just love it when you do that, it makes me feel all giddy and I definitely don’t feel like breaking your head with a brick or anything like that. I mean, you can ask me questions like that because you have the utmost right to. Only, no one should ask you why you asked for a ONE month vacation, because that’s, you know, “personal”.
I am in awe of how you get away with procrastination, without the boss ever noticing. Being a mistress has its perks after all.
I truly love how every time I come to work you make a huge scene of how much work you have done in the morning. You’re hilarious.
Lastly, I can’t wait till you leave for your much awaited (by us as well) vacation. We can’t wait to see you go.
All my love, admiration and awe