A Letter To My Boss’s Mistress

Dear Mistress,

I hope you’re having just another one of your lazy days. Again.

I’m writing this to you because I have been going over this and over this in my mind and I just can’t contain these feelings no more.

I think when I say this, I speak for all of us at work: I want to present you with a gold trophy for being consistently lazy throughout the entire year. Every day of every week of every month of the entire year.

If it were up to me, I’d name the Lazy Award trophy after you.

I love your enthusiasm when it comes to using Facebook on the main check-in computer at the reception.

So what if the customer waits patiently, in a queue while you scroll through your news feed? I swear, these customers. They should really learn to suck it up. I mean, jeez, waiting for five minutes while you change your profile picture to an adorable selfie of yourself wouldn’t kill them or anything!

We all admire how you are always laughing, making jokes here and there. It lifts up our mood seeing someone cracking jokes while we are working our asses off. I, for one, admire you even more, for doing an excellent impression of doing work when the boss is around. Another Oscar for you, lady.

I know it drives a lot of us insane when you don’t show up without any information at all. But, let me assure you, we do understand that on account of being a lady of your age, you just forget coming to work sometimes. Or calling in to let the other people know that you won’t be coming today. It happens. With age. It’s no biggie.

I wanted to kiss you on your brown-lipstick-covered lips when you asked me why I wanted to take a vacation in February. I just love it when you do that, it makes me feel all giddy and I definitely don’t feel like breaking your head with a brick or anything like that. I mean, you can ask me questions like that because you have the utmost right to. Only, no one should ask you why you asked for a ONE month vacation, because that’s, you know, “personal”.

I am in awe of how you get away with procrastination, without the boss ever noticing. Being a mistress has its perks after all.

I truly love how every time I come to work you make a huge scene of how much work you have done in the morning. You’re hilarious.

Lastly, I can’t wait till you leave for your much awaited (by us as well) vacation. We can’t wait to see you go.

All my love, admiration and awe


Zareen Naqvi


34 thoughts on “A Letter To My Boss’s Mistress

  1. Great letter! As I read this I felt all of your frustration. ARGH! Talk about double standards! How can people get away with this? What annoys me the most about this situation, is the fact that she’s lazy, and she knows she’s lazy, and yet she pretends that she is the model employee! If only you could send this to her…I would love to see the look on her brown lipstick wearing face! *Coughs* Brown lipstick? Are you serious?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Most people who are lazy at work know that they are lazy and still pretend to act like they have so much to do. I have a manager who does the same but I don’t hate him. That much.
      I don’t know no one has the guts to say anything to her face but i have made it obvious that I don’t like her. At all. No one likes her!!
      A little bird told me she might quit. I couldn’t contain my delight!
      Thanks for coming by, Amanda ❤
      And yes brown lipstick. It's a Pakistani thing. A lot of women wear brown lipstick for some god forsaken reason. I don't why, it is so ugly.


      1. HAHA! Well, I hope she takes her brown lipstick and goes (forever!). I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you, that this IS the case!

        There is nothing worse than lazy people, especially lazy people who take all the credit! I feel your pain.

        Anyway, have a great week! (or at least, try to!)

        Much love ❤


  2. “I think when I say this, I speak for all of us at work: I want to present you with a gold trophy for being consistently lazy throughout the entire year. Every day of every week of every month of the entire year.”

    I had exactly the same feeling when I was working in one other company last year. A 50-year-old guy in my team kept doing nothing at all except singing and checking his Facebook to look at young girls… while everyone else in the team had to work overtime to cover his share. Such easy money for him to earn huh.


    1. There are so many people like that. I guess, the people are pretty much all the same at workplace.
      How did you deal with that? I also have some co-workers who should actually retire by now but they are still taking their salary doing nothing.


      1. “I guess, the people are pretty much all the same at workplace.” So true! Perhaps it’s nearly impossible to find the “workplace heaven”, where everybody is nice and is not lazy.

        At that time my teammates and I tried to speak to the manager about that guy. The manager did talked to the guy and his attitude changed… for one day, two at most. After that he would just return to square one. So after this cycle happened for more than three times, everybody in the team had left the company… except the guy. What an ultimate champion lol.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. I remember watching movies and they stick pins in effigies. If that doesn’t work, do a cut out figure on paper and bring it with a pair of wooden clogs to a temple and whack the paper effigy hard…😆 Taoist folklore…”beat the little man” literal translation to mean small people who behave small like in attitude and does a lot of back biting politics at work 😉

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Well, actually I would do that to her because she is such a…but ahem. I got promoted before she did so I think I have taken my revenge from her.
          Indirectly though. And very meek, if I must say.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. ahah gotta love your sense of sarcasm. She sounds awful to work with – you have my sympathies! But hey, she’ll be on vacation soon, and then you will be – so less ‘her’ time! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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