Love is ?

I literally grew up watching Grey’s anatomy. A lot of people (read, my family) assumed that my liking to the show had something to do with me becoming a doctor. Not true.  And let’s face it, it was more about Meredith’s love life then doctors dealing with patients all the time.

There was an episode that has stayed to me till this day. Three women, turn up in fancy gowns, injured. These women have been in an accident and so have been their better halves, driving in another limousine. It is revealed then, that these three women have been friends for over fifty years! The bomb : It is shown that one of them, Sara Beth, is having an affair. With her best friend’s husband. Can you imagine? But anyway, let’s not get into the judging game right now and move straight to the point.

So Sara-Beth, explains to Meredith as to why she cheated on her Phil ( Sara-Beth’s husband). And it wasn’t like she  wanted to hurt anyone, she even said she was pretty much in love with her current husband but she offered an explanation that, surprisingly, did make sense. Once again, I’m not justifying anything. Just hear me out. She said

When you are with someone, you shave little pieces of yourself away so you fit together. And one day you look up and you don’t recognize yourself anymore.

I have heard that quite a lot. And in majority of relationships, it is the women who “shave little pieces of themselves”. Why? I don’t know, it just is. But let’s not get distracted here. Whether is it the women or the men who change themselves is not the point.

The real question: Is this how love should be? Are we (men and women both) supposed to shave little pieces of ourselves off? Are we supposed to change ourselves and finish all the things that make us…us? Are we supposed to leave our core characteristics and merge our personalities?

Why do people change the person that they love? Why not love the person the way they are? You can’t be lucky enough to get a carbon copy of your self as your life partner. So, yes, maybe both parties involved do have to change certain habits/traits in order to make your marriage work.

But does that require striping of a person completely of the characteristics that are unique to them?

When we fall in love, it’s great. In fact, everything is great. Everything seems bright and shiny and everyone looks happy. As we move along the road, we tend to forget the small things that made us fall for that person in the first place. And there comes a time, when we are unintentionally/intentionally asking that person to change for us. Ripping your spouse off their personality..would you call it love? Or would you call it selfishness?

I think everyone should love their spouse, endlessly and unconditionally. Isn’t it better knowing that although there are differences between you and your loved one, what matters is that you love each other? Or would you prefer living with a zombie?


4 thoughts on “Love is ?

  1. I definitely remember that episode! (and all of them…)
    I’ve noticed myself “shaving” parts of myself away while in past relationships as well… it can be subtle at first but eventually you realize that you no longer do any of the things you enjoy. That should be the first warning sign. I think it’s possible– no, I KNOW it’s possible– to find someone who will share your life without forcing you to change who you are.


    1. I totally agree. I know how it feels which is why I wrote about it. At that time I thought it was okay, but like you said there comes a day when you just can’t do it anymore.


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